Lessons I have learned from six-year-old Sam

Happy birthday, Samuel Lewis McDowall (aka Sammy-boy, aka “I am kind of a SatNav” Sam)

Shortly after 8.30 am on 28^th February 2011 you made your debut amid a fever of excited anticipation: your parents’ firstborn child, our first grandchild, your maternal uncle’s first nephew (or niece, for that matter), our parents’ first great-grandchild. You were truly our Number 1 and we celebrated your arrival with grateful gladness. Yes, you were very small – a tiny scrap weighing less than 2.5 kg - but we all commented on how very active and what a ‘noticing’ baby you were; your little arms and legs were constantly moving and your bright blue eyes roved around as if taking detailed notes of your surroundings. We just knew you were going to be special… extraordinary! And we were right. You are extraordinarily special and you have already taught us a lifetime’s wisdom in our first 3 153 600 minutes (give or take a few) together.

So, on the eve of your sixth birthday, I thought I would write down just some of the things that I have learned from you:

·        *  Different is just…different. Not better, not worse, just different. I truly believe that if each of us stopped trying to make ourselves feel ‘better’ by stigmatizing those who are different from us as ‘worse’, the world would be a happier place. It’s as simple (and as difficult) as that.

·        * Our worth cannot be measured by external indicators. We don’t get to choose what we are born with, only what we do with what is placed in our hands. So my greatest achievement might look like your epic fail – should that determine our respective worth? I don’t think so.

·         * Never under-estimate the insight of the innocent. Child-like does not mean childish and simplicity does not mean the absence of smarts. Take it from one who has learned the hard way.

·         * Being patient and kind takes persistent practice. And if, at times, the best you can do is bite your lips to keep the barrage of angry, frustrated words from bursting forth to batter whoever is in your line of fire, that’s okay. In fact, that’s a really good place to start.

·         * Learn to listen more than you speak. And when words fail, listen with your eyes and your heart as well as your ears.

·         * Every day is a new day. Don’t let yesterday’s storm-clouds shadow today’s sunrise and don’t expect sunshine tomorrow just because the sky was clear today. By all means plan for the future but live fully in the present because there are no guarantees for tomorrow. You get just enough grace for each day. Don’t be afraid to use it up because you can’t carry it over from yesterday and you will get more tomorrow. Truly.

·         * Avoid making superficial, snap judgments. Take the time and trouble to listen, look and learn before making comments or offering advice because without understanding the background, it’s all too easy to misinterpret what is going on in the foreground. This doesn’t mean that one should never offer to help, but there is a world of hurt’s difference between ‘how can I help you?’ and ‘why don’t you?’ Of course, this goes both ways: it is not helpful to react defensively in the expectation of (yet another) judgmental comment.

·         * Don’t sweat the small stuff. Decide what is really ‘core’ and focus on that – for the rest, be flexible. Never give up or settle for less but don’t hitch yourself to unrealistic expectations, particularly others’ expectations.

·        *  Love is the key to all doors. But you have to be prepared to love unconditionally, not for what you want to get back. And learn to give and receive love in unexpected ways – outside of the movies and Hallmark cards, love seldom comes wrapped in shiny cellophane with pretty ribbons. Oh, and love DOES mean having to say you’re sorry – over and over again, because you’re not perfect, just someone doing the best you can. And when the best you could do at that moment was not good enough, you need to say so, honestly but without shame. That’s how mutual trust and respect is built.

·        *  Learn to look for the light in the darkness, laughter amidst the tears, and happiness in the heartache. It’s there, and all the more precious for being partially hidden. Okay, sometimes it is REALLY well hidden, but digging for it builds perseverance.

·         * And finally, hang onto hope. Hope is the rope that keeps you from stumbling and helps you to pull yourself back up when you fall.  You might need to make reality-adjustments to what you hope for, but that doesn’t mean you have to give up hoping. It’s ALWAYS too soon to give up hope.

     We have great hopes for you, Sammy – different from but far deeper than those shallow expectations we held onto so proudly the day you were born. I hope you will always know just how much we love you and that you will learn to love who you are and find others to love you as much as we do. I hope that you will continue to find your brave so that you can conquer your fears and reach for your dreams – whatever they are. I hope you will find your purpose and experience joy and fulfilment in whatever work your future holds for you. And most of all, I hope you find the security and serenity of faith in the One who made you quite extraordinarily special. 

   

     Love Nana